The one benefit of this census gig for me as an enumerator (a programmed people counting drone motivated by petty monetary gain and, in extremely rare cases, boredom) in Dodan barracks is the children. Even though they call us names like “sex-spawn”, “sense-sucks” and “cent-whores” (unintentionally I must add-I don’t think they’re that witty), follow us around making fun of our government issue orange and neon green reflector vests (I’m still trying to figure out why cause I think they’re rather fly), occasionally stain our computer sheets making the count of their family void, they absolutely love us. In the middle of writing some of the weirdest names on earth (e.g. “Eretinghen Perekeme Godist”- for real) and helping people figure out their own ages, occupations and in one rare case their sex (it turned out to be a 70 yr old androgynous being with a moustache) I found myself overwhelmed by these kids that swarmed out of every corner, staring in awe amazed at…I’m not exactly sure what. These kids have done so much for my ego today that I’ve decided that “when I grow up” I want to be a Hausa military dad with 8 rugrats running around my 12 by 12 ft. apartment/room!
I was planning to go on and on about these kids (believe me I can) but I’ve got to get up early tomorrow to once again answer Brodá Bode’s call.
Other Realizations from doing this census thing:
-A whole lot of people don’t have middle names
-A lot of women feel comfortable breastfeeding in front of census officials (I was almost counting…almost)
-Col. M.G Mustapha commander 81st division garrison (the big boss in those parts) acts like he’s on T.V all the time. He had me looking over my shoulders, searching for the camera crew half the time we were in his office. He’s cool tho.
-There are definitely more women than men in this world (trust me on this one. I’m talking 5:1 or something. Hopefully I can get this to influence my whole attitude when approaching women. From now on I’ll be like: “Baby! There like five of you out there but there’s only one of me! Come get some!” maybe not in those exact words and I’ll also try to lose the indelible smirk thats on my face as I type this.
-The Adisa’s of flat 18 block 6 are the nicest people on earth. They we’re the only people who offered us drinks. I’m thinking of counting them twice to repay their gratitude (I dunno why I want to but I can).
-Some people (a sizable portion of our nations army) still think Bobby Brown is cool!?!
-Secret service agents actually tell people that they work for the secret service. So what the fizzyuck is so secret about their asses? (Why they questioned me about whether I’d been paid or not? I dunno).
-Some people don’t need subtitles to understand Indian flicks. Which by the way are very popular in the barracks. :)
-The Nigerian government wants to know whether you have cable television???
-In my past life I worked for the NPC. I’m a natural at this ish. In fact I should get a medal for my work.
-Federal officials have been instructed to count homeless and mad people (don’t ask me how i'm with the state)
-This is one situation where the phrase “girls dig the uniform” doesn’t hold its weight.
Aight I’m off to bed but first please remember if you see a census person 2mrw/today remember they’re people like you and they need the occasional FREE drink.
11 comments:
5:1 ratio of women to men. Are you kidding? That's a joke, hun. Women do outnumber men in this world, yes. However, the world is comprised of roughly 52% women. Nowhere near 5:1. I just had to correct you on that one because that was much too far off. I wanted to save whoever would rather these false info. Interesting read, though.
so u get to google out the answer while i physically count the people?
hmm...i stand uncorrected on this topic. leave a man to his fantasies
It's just utter stupidity. Come on, are you saying in a world of about 6 billion, there are roughly 5 billion women? It just doesn't make sense logically. The statistics don't have to be googled to prove you incorrect.
I also noticed not many people have middle names. I used to live by a CSIS agent, and he let me know all about how he was an "agent". He even let me fool around with a brief case which has a secret camera hooked up to it. It was interesting.
O rly? didn't know you were an enumerator. LOL! this is one funny post. "Eretinghen Perekeme Godist" I fit die!
Hey what's up man. Being reading your blog for a minute and I must confess I enjoy doing so. Nice name: Rae. Good you didn't add the "T"...casala for bust, :). Seems you're connected to Augustus Khan of the africanhiphop.com forums. Oh well, keep doing your thing. Peace!
@c0dec man i heard worse before the whole thing was over.
@trae-z been reading ur blog for a while too (first blog i ever read). A.Khan and I are close fam
Enjoyed reading your latest work, "The Census Experience of Too Me to Blog".
Hope you did get paid for all your troubles. Lebatron was right about the stats concerning the proportion of men to women. However, there's a funny catch; from around your 28 birthday, you're gonna find it easier to date or sleep with babes that are your age, those younger than you and even those a little older. This will create an effect almost similar to having 1 man to 3 women - believe me; I've been there.
Why do things change about the time you're 28? Methinks it's because by that age, you'd have settled into working life, you'd have a little money to play with and still be young enough to be pretty naughty. You’d also look like a pretty good material for marriage to many of them.
Anyway, good read again. And thanks for stopping by the blog.
Cheers.
28? damn! thats one more thing i've got to wait for! why do i suspect ure speaking from (very) recent experience?
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