Monday, July 24, 2006

Rain and stuff

Its 1:36 a.m and theres no light. I've got ear phones on (heard theyre called buds - but i'm razz by choice) so i can't hear the mosquitos but i'm sure they're buzzing around me. my old man can't sleep and I don't think it has anything to do with electricity - he is old now - he has always been my ''oldman" but now hes looking the part. My mum is asleep (shes old too). My sister has gone to bed, against her will, as soon as NEPA (who cares what they're called these days they're still crap - they should have spent all that money they spent on new stationery after their name change to provide one more hour of electricity for me) 'took the light' I pulled the whole seniority stunt on her and 'chanced' her off this laptop (yes i'm roasting my nuts again). Shes on hols and I know how that feels, a survivor of BHW I & II myself, I'm trying to be as unannoying (and un-chancy) as possible... shes growing so fast its scary.
Earlier today, she asked me if I had any movie she could watch, I gave her 'Hideous Kinky' (nice movie) as she was leaving with it I remember that there were sex scenes in it... I'm scared for her (when I remember to be)... Shes 15 (same age as the movies rating BTW)... Shes on Hi5 now (I've sworn to leave a I'll break-your-neck-if-you're-a-pervert-trying-to-mack-my-sister-online testimonial death threat on her page before i quit Hi5 forever) and its no longer beyonce or ashantis pic, its her own... The closest my parents ever came to educating me on sex was just a year ago. I almost broke down in angry tears and my mum couldn't understand why. I thought my reasons were obvious: I'm (was) 22! What were you waiting for this is at least 6 years too late... I'm scared cause we have the same parents (did I mention that they were old).
Its 2:05 a.m I'm praying it rains. I love the rain. From what I've seen of the rest of the world (not much but enough) the rain is best in Lagos (if your roof isn't leaking). Its soothing. I'm feeling down (fucked would be a better word). I miss my brother. I should stop blogging and mail him now but I won't because... just because. Its hard to explain but we only tell each other we love each other when we're drunk. He has been away for over a year now so I drink less now and I only say the word 'love' when I sing along to some song (BTW Corrine Bailey Rae is dope and it has nothing to do with her last name).
If not for the music life would be fucked (I am but life isn't). I've been down - I don't mess with the word 'Depression' because I know what it looks like. If you've had very close family hospitalized over that shit you'll realize that theres a time to stop being self-indulgent and step out from from under your imaginary dark cloud. The real ones aren't musical or poetic if they were at all it'll be on some AZ and Nas "Lifes a bitch and then you die/ thats we get high/ cause you never know when you're gonna go!" tip... Reality bitch slaps
2:24 a.m What was I saying again? I'm down but It can all change in a second so I'm not really bothered. All it'll take is some rain (its been raining all week but wheres that shit when you need it?) a phonecall, Elec-fucking-tricity!!! Anything. And if it doesnt rain etc. I'll be good until 2mrw/2day because of the music. Thank you for the music (all 14hrs and 2 gigs of it - you know who you are). Aight this is where I put the safety on and recommend a new soundtrack to my blog (Its on repeat now). Go to this page and download the track called runaways you can also read along to it here. I like sage Francis hes like rain - good words are almost as soothing as good weather.
2:41 a.m Almost forgot to thank senior Delot for reminding me to spill my guts. Is this how much time blogging consumes? Well what else is there to do here, besides downloading mp3s from Obi's playlist. my MSN isn't signing in...crap...I can't sleep in this heat...drat...I've got places to go 2mrw/ 2day...rain...the old man is sleeping... :)

Sunday, July 09, 2006

More musical advice

D-Mite-Read a book (Click don't save as)
More practical than 'introspective'. To quote the poet himself: "Read a book MUTHERF**KER!"
Check his myspace :)

and...



















Just found this site: Nigerian photography at its finest "Depth of fields"

Monday, July 03, 2006

Wear Sunscreen?

Imagine where you'ld be right now if you took all the good advice that ever came your way. I've given that question a good long thought (and now my head hurts) and come to the conclusion that i'ld be right here battling mosquitoes, listening to my old man snore (and wondering when his snoring ceases momentarily if he can see me smirking to myself by the light of this here laptop and hes wondering what i have to smirk about) on the couch, trying to mentally seperate myself from the smelly socks stuck to my feet (wheres ur gaddam telekinesis when u need it?). I found my answers where I found my question (it wasn't really a question), In the last words of Baz Lurhmann's Everybodys free (to wear sunscreen) - "Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth." (incase u missed it the song title was ur cue to download). I remember thinking the first time i heard it sometime in the late 90's (pardon the bracket, but isn't it so cool to have lived long enough to be nostalgic about the 90's) that if i followed the advice of the song life would be perfect. Now not up to a decade has passed and i feel more like the guy on the giving end rather than on the recieving end of this. What was my point again? I didn't have one. But I can make one up... we're all given the blueprint for this here life but we cant use it. we have to make our own mistakes. Pile them all up and then start giving advice when its too late for us to take it ourselves...I didn't say It'd be deep or anything. Enjoy the song.

Yeah, I don't know when to take my leave.

On the real, I relate to the whole song minus the sunscreen bit. Its funny how i understand what he means by the power and beauty of youth and some would argue that i'm still too young to fully grasp it.

"Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't." This a deep one considering that 22 was last year and subconciously I'd set a deadline for my search for the meaning of life (mine - not life in general - the cosmos can suck my appendix).

My grandma asked me a deep question the other day. Its one of those questions I wish people asked me more often because its one of those things i can't be bothered to think about unless someone asks. She was staring at a Brand Nubian flyer thing that I've got on my wardrobe door when she said it. At first I thought she was losing her eyesight or something. I love Sadat X and all but those dudes are not the best looking men in show business. So when she asks "Who are you?". I'm on the devensive babbling about how I'm not in the picture, and how its not a picture and how i don't know any of those (strange looking) men personally. Then she repeats the question and I realize what she's really asking is what all this means to me, Baby pictures, 'tell an american to vote.com' postcards. I couldn't answer it so i let my mouth take control and it got me out of that one. All I could do personally was make wise-ass remarks about how i'd know the answer to the question if she'd been asking it at least once a year for the past 23. I'm still stomped by the question and I don't think I can answer it now (maybe on my death bed i will, but then it'd be "Who were you?").

Who am I? Am I what I believe in (stand for), what I do, what I want to do, what I've done, What I say, How many times a day I pray, what type of music I listen to (or make), What I look like, Or is that "show me your friends" BS not really BS, Am I my shoe size, my star sign, the school i went to, the type of job i want, the life I want to live, NaS, Or the weird guy in the blue pyjamas those okcupid ppl claim I am, My IQ? ... I believe in straight foward answers so saying i'm the sum total of all of this doesn't fly with me. Unlike a lot of people I dont have that one word that describes me. I notice this everywhere but the blog world is a perfect example to find people who can tell you who they are (or think they can...same difference) in one word and that word would fit into one of those categories without a second thot. Do people really think of themselves in those same terms which the want everyone else to identify them with. If thats the case judging by the name of my blog I'm a pretentious fuck... there a couple ppl out there who would agree with that statement, but i'd rather argue that its what i was the day I named the blog. Where am I going with this again? No where...enjoy the song. I'm off to ponder.