Its 1:36 a.m and theres no light. I've got ear phones on (heard theyre called buds - but i'm razz by choice) so i can't hear the mosquitos but i'm sure they're buzzing around me. my old man can't sleep and I don't think it has anything to do with electricity - he is old now - he has always been my ''oldman" but now hes looking the part. My mum is asleep (shes old too). My sister has gone to bed, against her will, as soon as NEPA (who cares what they're called these days they're still crap - they should have spent all that money they spent on new stationery after their name change to provide one more hour of electricity for me) 'took the light' I pulled the whole seniority stunt on her and 'chanced' her off this laptop (yes i'm roasting my nuts again). Shes on hols and I know how that feels, a survivor of BHW I & II myself, I'm trying to be as unannoying (and un-chancy) as possible... shes growing so fast its scary.
Earlier today, she asked me if I had any movie she could watch, I gave her 'Hideous Kinky' (nice movie) as she was leaving with it I remember that there were sex scenes in it... I'm scared for her (when I remember to be)... Shes 15 (same age as the movies rating BTW)... Shes on Hi5 now (I've sworn to leave a I'll break-your-neck-if-you're-a-pervert-trying-to-mack-my-sister-online testimonial death threat on her page before i quit Hi5 forever) and its no longer beyonce or ashantis pic, its her own... The closest my parents ever came to educating me on sex was just a year ago. I almost broke down in angry tears and my mum couldn't understand why. I thought my reasons were obvious: I'm (was) 22! What were you waiting for this is at least 6 years too late... I'm scared cause we have the same parents (did I mention that they were old).
Its 2:05 a.m I'm praying it rains. I love the rain. From what I've seen of the rest of the world (not much but enough) the rain is best in Lagos (if your roof isn't leaking). Its soothing. I'm feeling down (fucked would be a better word). I miss my brother. I should stop blogging and mail him now but I won't because... just because. Its hard to explain but we only tell each other we love each other when we're drunk. He has been away for over a year now so I drink less now and I only say the word 'love' when I sing along to some song (BTW Corrine Bailey Rae is dope and it has nothing to do with her last name).
If not for the music life would be fucked (I am but life isn't). I've been down - I don't mess with the word 'Depression' because I know what it looks like. If you've had very close family hospitalized over that shit you'll realize that theres a time to stop being self-indulgent and step out from from under your imaginary dark cloud. The real ones aren't musical or poetic if they were at all it'll be on some AZ and Nas "Lifes a bitch and then you die/ thats we get high/ cause you never know when you're gonna go!" tip... Reality bitch slaps
2:24 a.m What was I saying again? I'm down but It can all change in a second so I'm not really bothered. All it'll take is some rain (its been raining all week but wheres that shit when you need it?) a phonecall, Elec-fucking-tricity!!! Anything. And if it doesnt rain etc. I'll be good until 2mrw/2day because of the music. Thank you for the music (all 14hrs and 2 gigs of it - you know who you are). Aight this is where I put the safety on and recommend a new soundtrack to my blog (Its on repeat now). Go to this page and download the track called runaways you can also read along to it here. I like sage Francis hes like rain - good words are almost as soothing as good weather.
2:41 a.m Almost forgot to thank senior Delot for reminding me to spill my guts. Is this how much time blogging consumes? Well what else is there to do here, besides downloading mp3s from Obi's playlist. my MSN isn't signing in...crap...I can't sleep in this heat...drat...I've got places to go 2mrw/ 2day...rain...the old man is sleeping... :)
23 comments:
be like say those mosquitos dey carry alcohol.
Hey you
I gather from your blog that your mum is back in Nigeria, is she feeling better?
'call me if u need someone to talk to...'
@ Codec- I wish they did. where u done dey since? thot u'd quit blogging. hope ure back.
@ Dilch- I know I should have said something... Yep! shes back better than ever, actually... I'm sawwy :(
@ jaden- I may just take you up on that (or try and figure out what song ur quoting)
hey man, you know what? I dont know what to make of you...i aint trying to suss you out or anything, but you've got this really really dark satirical side to your writing that makes me smile and wonder just whats really really going on in your head. It sounds like you're loving to hate whatever it is your going through. but it also sounds like you're just going with the flow. i'm curious bruv. "senior delot" u know we never did any of that "senior" rubbish...lol
There was a moment there - deep. we were on opposite blogs at the same time. freaky?
On the other stuff... man, i'm me. i've got issues like everyone else (and like everyone else i secretly think theyre not like everyone elses) and i try to go with the flow as far as i can go. I guess ure asking if i'm alright. I am (but theres always stuff in the bracket u can live with) thanks for asking.
I forgot about how the senior thing became unfashionable, when those juniors got so big we were scared to call them 'boys', or the seniors got smaller or something..lol
monie, I'm aight cant complain about anything exactly, i'm still waiting for that rain tho.
Yep another IJ boy here. lol @ delot. ure crazy man.
I'm a rain freak for moods. getting on my push-bike and riding into the first drops of rain (begging to get knocked over). the best rain? the one that starts with the heady musk of red earth b4 it cleanses everything. used to live for that smell. now i can only imagine it ... was gonna say some weird shit about "muff diving".
senior huh? images of empty buckets and belts come to mind. we all turn to bastards.
gonna have to dig into mr francis and do him once and for all. keep eating in snippets.
yup! keep the angst flowing. and take care of yourself.
ps: we men eh? only the women asked about your momsi :)
LOLLL do you just have a good sense of humour or it's just the way you write/talk?
@tmtb: Are you serious about not knowing what muff diving is? Please reread my article on "taboo"...its all about muff diving and head clamping. lol
No need for the verbal violence peeps. is it possible to just pretend like the last 2 comments didnt just get published? so Mona, as u were saying...
I need you ( although I suspect its for purely selfish reasons.)
I hope it rains.
There's a Black Star "Respiration" feel in here. Can anyone else sense it?
Bruv, i'm not sure you've heard this song but its in the same vein as Use sunscreen. its this guy having a rant on american culture, his names Lazyboy and the song is called Underwear goes inside the pants. You've got to listen to it to love it...reading the lyrics aint enough. here's the link to the lyrics...i'll leave u & obi 2 find the link ot the song...enjoy:
http://www.lyricstop.com/u/underweargoesinsidethepants-lazyboy.html
P.s he's the male singer from aqua..remember them? Barbie girl...the deep voice that goes "...common barbie lets go party..."
hmm tmtb, so you're saying because no one else picked up on that comment, then I'm imagining the implications of it? whatever. I don't know you tmtb, and I never pretended to. what i do know is that your comment is insulting and dismissive. if you want to say it was all about you and not me, that's your perogative. i stand by everything i wrote that you are dismissive of my experience.
As usual you make me smile with your tongue in cheek writing!
I love the rain, there is something dark and sexy about it, makes you think thought, you are not supposed too......
Glad to hear you mom is alright
very interesting post, as usual
@ Tori- I'll try my best to be there (in one piece). I hope so too, the weathers looking good (to me at least).
@ nkem- Respiration? "...blasted holes in the night till she bled sunshine..." i dont get it? need to go listen to it again. I always prefered the remix tho. i know i'm missing the point.
@ Delot-(I'll go digging for that one. I liked aqua... or should i say i liked that "cartoon heroes" song. need to dig for that too.
@ everchange- Theres no way to prove that what i wrote wasn't about you, i really wish there was. About my comments on ur blog i'll apologise again. i read ur poem and i felt it was true to life and i didnt give it a second thot. i wrote what i did without thinking anything else. d next time i was on ur blog i saw the rest of ur comments, including the stuff u added at the end of it. i didnt want to reply to that but i assumed my silence would do more harm than good. theres really nothing else to say about it, i could go on about this but i dont see the point. i still stand by evry word i wrote here on ur blog. dont get me wrong cause here i'm apologising for not considering that u could find other meaning in my words(?). whether or not u believe me or accept my apology, is your prerogative.
@ Nneka- Dark, yeah i agree, but i'm not sure about sexy-but anyway what do i know.
@ Obukun- I guess i should say thanks then.
I want to believe you weren't referring to me, so I accept your apology. I still think, at best, your statements were insensitive, given you know other ppl who have depression who were going to read it...but it's your blog and all. I apologize for cursing you out. Still it was more of a response to your actions/words than trying to say I know all about what motivates you, etc.
I somehow end up on your blog, very nice...you might just be my new flavor for the month ;) But seriously, its interesting.
omo, i know you're busy and have a life, but dont let me have to call last boy again...wetin now?
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